Very Possibly The Worst Job Ever

DSCN9751, originally uploaded by Prince of Petworth.

“So, what do you do for a living?”

“I collect blood, urine & body fluids for testing. What do you do?”

I shudder to think what the body fluids are…

8 Comment

  • PoP–Six shots fired on the 4600 block of Crittenden St NW tonight. To their credit, five or six police cars showed up within minutes. They stayed working the scene for over an hour. Can you get any 411 form the 4D?

  • Prince Of Petworth

    @ Bobby D – I’ve sent an email. It may be too early for an official response but I’ll post as soon as I receive word.

  • wait, you mean i could have been getting paid for this the whole time? damnit…

  • If Metro Lab ever needs more, there’s always a bounty of samples in the alley behind Intangible HQ. I’d love to run some tests on them fluids.

  • semen and smegma likely…….and no one shudders to think….you can shudder at thinking or shudder at the thought.

  • For everyone who has ever had to have this kind of medical testing done, I would like to say thank you to these people!

  • I didn’t work in a collection laboratory but I did work in a testing lab one summer. I worked in what was called the ‘certifying scientist’ office, which was the last stop in the process. The scientists in this department reviewed all the results and confirmed that the results were accurate. I was just the summer file clerk.

    I learned that statistically, a batch of samples will be negative, so rather than test each sample individually, the lab will take a drop of each, mix them together, and test the mixed sample. If it comes back negative, they don’t need to waste time or money with further testing. If the mixed sample comes back positive, they use the remainder of each sample to determine which ones were positive and which ones were negative. This was a private lab, testing employees’ samples. I believe the Red Cross does not go on to test individually, but throws out all of the donated blood for anyone who was in the positive mixed sample, and informs them that they may be positive for whatever and they should seek further testing on their own. Again this is because it is cheaper to throw it all out than to test each one.

    I learned that, at least at that time, the way to evade positive results is to stick to heroin, because it doesn’t stay in the body long enough to be tested. Too bad it messes you up so bad.

    I learned that most people take uppers and downers (I was a very naive 19 yrs old). It seems counterproductive to take an upper and then take a downer, but whatever.

    I learned that the US Government cannot force an employee to take a blood test. They can compel a urine test but a blood test is considered ‘invasive’.

    I learned that truck drivers have to take a 10-panel test. Any employer can require it but most only do the 5-panel test because it is cheaper. 10-panel means testing for ten different drugs; 5-panel tests for 5 different drugs.

    I learned that even one bite of a poppyseed muffin can give you a positive result for opiates. I also learned that labs counsel employers to re-test anyone who tests positive for just opiates to rule out poppyseeds.

    I learned that they freeze half of your sample so that if you sue, you don’t have a hope of submitting a new sample; they will send the remaining half to another lab for verification.

    I learned that all the tricks drug addicts try to use to cheat don’t work. They test for creatnin, so they know if you try to substitute Dial soap for urine. They test for temperature to know if you turned in an old sample. They test for nutrients to know if you tried to overhydrate yourself and dilute the amount of drugs in your body. They know if you took herbal supplements.

    It was a very enlightening summer.

  • Dial soap? Why not beer? Cheaper and runs like peepee. Those crackheads are crazy, just crazy!

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